Boggle the Owl

I wrote a blog for work that I love… but it was shot down because of certain reasons. It was written with love so I am going to just share it here instead. I hope you enjoy it. I’m sorry that I never got the chance to speak with Aria Heller but if she reads this – thank you.

Boggle the Owl Brings Encouraging Messages

Boggle the Owl, a caring, thoughtful cartoon character, was created in 2012 by artist Aria Heller as a gift to her friends who were having a bad day. She wanted to create something to cheer them up. From the first cartoon, “Please don’t be too hard on yourself today,” Boggle became a poster-owl for positive mental health messages.

Heller, who had no experience with cartooning, created Boggle as a one-shot cartoon but the encouraging words of the owl resonated far beyond just her friends, with more than 105,000 reposts. People had found something they needed in this little owl, and many of them sent Boggle personal messages about their struggles. Heller began using Boggle to respond to readers with concern, love, and affirmation and sharing her own stories of mental health challenges. The response was thousands of people linking, reblogging, and writing to Heller about how Boggle’s words affected them profoundly, and in some cases even saved their lives.

While Boggle is no longer active online, the hopeful messages still strike a chord today. A quick Google search turns up numerous images and messages on a variety of social media platforms.

Recent celebrity suicides have garnered a lot of attention and commentary as the “why” someone would take their own life. Many public comments were expressions of dismay, worry and hurt while others were angry and called victims “weak” or “selfish.” The positive, practical, hopeful message from Boggle the Owl seem an important part of the discussion. Many resources are available including resources from APA, from the National Suicide Hotline, the Crisis Text line and many others.

“A cry for help,” is one of Heller’s most popular and strongest message. It even adorns the walls of some therapist’s offices.

Heller described her experience with Boggle to Comic Alliance in 2012: “These people who write in, who are often so depressed, and so self-defeating, and so self-loathing, are getting advice from a cartoon character… who is caring, and kind, and only wants what’s best for them. It makes it so that the things Boggle says can get through to them, when they wouldn’t if I were the one saying them… They know Boggle can be trusted, they know Boggle really means what he says.”

In her cartoons Heller consistently stresses the importance of reaching out for help—to a psychiatrist, a therapist or other health care professional. If you find that you are in need of a psychiatrist, you can use the APA Psychiatrist Finder to locate one near you.

 

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Goodbye Puppers…

A lot of things going on in my life but the one thing that blew me out of the water… yesterday I lost my best friend, the greatest puppy of a lifetime, my love to osteosarcoma.  I am heartbroken and it was the worst thing to watch in my entire life. I’m thankful to have had him in my life for almost 13 years. His pain is gone and that’s all that matters.

On a lighter note… I went and spent some me time alone at Starbucks. Just people watching so that I wouldn’t sit home and overeat/emotional eat. I sat with a small almond milk cappuccino for over an hour. Thinking about life, my dog, my friends, my support system… and how I wasn’t hungry. I felt empty and emotional… but it was ok and ultimately I knew it was going to be ok.

Hug your pets if you can. They are only in this world a short time but the love they give lasts a lifetime.

Practice Mindfulness

I tend to worry a lot. The past couple months I have been taking opportunities to de-stress and it feels like the world is ramping up the stress on me!

Meanwhile, I’m mid-week of week 2 on Jenny Craig. I’m 11 pounds down. So far the food have been great. No complaints. BUT… I’m sick of eating! No joke. I am tired of eating every few hours. I never thought I’d say that as I’ve got a turkey burger and garden salad in front of me. The struggle is real and I’m trying not to let this stress me out. Because it kinda is! My body is going through a lot of changes. Clean eating is rough on a body used to eating junk daily. There have been moments that I’m queasy. Moments of running to the bathroom to dump fast. Been nauseous a few mornings too and no I’m not pregnant. I get that I am stressing my body either way – whether I eat like shit or fast transition to eating well. So, I’m being mindful of every bite. I’m not forcing myself to finish. And for the first time in forever I know what feeling hungry feels like… and I’m eating slow and feeling full afterwards. Who knew right?

I will say this for Jenny Craig. That is one expensive bitch. I never thought I’d be spending $200 a week for food. I think that’s part of why I’m sticking to it. Because this is so expensive but it’s more expensive to be sick and tired all the time! I’ve committed to the 12-week Rapid Results program for $16 and $100 off your foods (total over 12 weeks). I def need to find new salad dressings that meet the program. Please send me suggestions.

 

A time for change…

I last wrote on February 5, 2018. I’ve been composing in my mind ever since because my wordpress app doesn’t show my blog for some reason. It shows everything else though.

Since Feb 5, I have lost 11 pounds. It took almost 2 months, plantar faciitis and dog cancer for me to get my brain and life in order. To take the hardest look within myself and ask tough questions and really listen to the answers from my psyche.

My feet started to hurt really badly that first week of February. Like could barely walk. I wanted to cry every time I had to get up and walk anywhere. Even walking over to the printer, a cubicle over. I bought shoe inserts and wore compression socks to no avail. I knew I need to make changes.

Then my dog was diagnosed with osteosarcoma. He’s almost 13 years old. They wanted thousands of dollars to amputate and do chemo only to extend his life by months. I love my pup so much. He’s been my constant companion for these almost 13 years. I wanted to dive into food face first and live in a food-coma forever at the thought of losing my best friend. I realized that food is my crutch, now, more-so than ever. Something had to give.

Image result for fat shameExcuses- I used to say- “But I don’t eat a lot!” “My metabolism is slow” “It’s my genetics- my whole family is fat!” and a number of other excuses. Now, don’t get me wrong- I have not joined the fat shamers and haters. I will never do that. I’m speaking for myself and the excuses that I gave for being the weight that I am. I would eat an entire bag of SunChips and pretend that was a “healthy snack” and continue with my day. I’d drink 3-5 cappuccino in a day and think it’s only 8 oz. so it’s not much. It is.

On March 13, I was fed up and really close to 300 lbs. Like realllllyyy close. My company had a huge public event that Friday and I went clothes shopping at Dress Barn with my tall, svelte, blonde goddess roommate. I was trying on 3X clothes for the first time in public. My FUPA on full display in every outfit that I tried on. A low lying bulge that hung down over my p—y. I put on a facade of humorous bravado and bought $200 worth of new clothes that fit me in 3X. Three. Fucking. Ex. (Not hating on ppl who wear that size. I’m hating on the size for me – because it still looked terrible on me! WTF!?)

I don’t make crazy money but I decided to make a drastic change and invest in myself. I made a spur of the moment choice and joined Jenny Craig. I had done Nutrisystem, Optavia, Dukan, Atkins, and Weight Watchers in the past and lose a few pounds but always quit and went back to my old habits. I needed something that took the thinking out of meals for the day and was crazy expensive enough that I would take it seriously-until I can sort out my brain and emotional eating. So, I met with my coach Debbie on March 17th at 8:20am and she made me write a letter to my future self. This was for any time that I was giving up or felt like I couldn’t do more. So I took the time and wrote a brutal letter to myself. I wrote my weight in the first sentence. I mentioned the 3X. And I said don’t give up on yourself ever. Remember the pain in your feet. Remember you’re diabetic. Remember most of all that YOU ARE WORTH LOVING AND BEING LOVED MOST ESPECIALLY YOU HAVE TO LOVE YOU. Then, I made a self-depreciating fat joke…

Image result for fat shame

and Debbie looked at me and said, “Don’t do that. There are plenty of people out there who will do that for you. You’re job is to build yourself up and believe in yourself.” And I sat there speechless. I was used to putting myself down to make others more comfortable in my mind. I didn’t realize that my thoughts and words were part of the problem. That was my last fat joke and put down. There really are enough people out there who want to shame me and put me down. I won’t be one of them.

 

Another day, another year… same path

I’m worried about me most days. I think more than the physical part of my inability to lose weight- but my mental health. New job this year has me asking myself a lot of interior questions about my depression, my fake-it-til-you-make-it attitude… which doesn’t work. At least, not for me.

Thanksgiving I was told by a child that I am “really really fat”… my heart broke. Because I know I am. I don’t want to be but I find myself helpless when trying to control the amount of food that I eat. I want to feel full. I eat until I do. Because there is this giant void inside me and I need to fill it – but I fill it with the wrong things.

I want to rededicate myself to being mindful. I will reach out to a therapist. I’ve never done so before. I’m recommitting to writing my book, my screenplay, and to this blog. I’m not perfect but I will make the steps to be present in my life with activities I love.

 

Thank you for joining me.

Reverse Psychology

Seems when I tell myself that I am going on a diet I end up eating and binge eating at that, everything in sight. I feel like when I tell my plans or pour my heart out to my close friends I end up doing the opposite of my plans. I feel like I’m hardwired to fail and to fail spectacularly.

I decided to come back to blogging instead of talking it out with others. I found a Weight Watchers meeting that I want to go to this week. I’m debating to find an OA group but I’m still in enough denial that I don’t want to hear anyone’s sad story. I’m trying to work through that. I know I will hear stories that mirror my own and I’m not prepared psychologically to hear it and not run home or to a fast food place and binge.

I went to the grocery store yesterday and got a ton of food for the Dukan attack phase. I slow cooked a pork loin and I have chicken tenders in the slow cooker now. This week I just want to snack on proteins and follow the attack phase. I enjoyed the Dukan diet when I did it back in 2012. I lost 13 kilos then.

I appreciate constructive and positive feedback. But if I feel comments are to stress me out I will prob delete them. I’m going to blog the journey and hopefully my reverse psychology will work.

Be safe and take care of yourself.

 

New Year Old You

new-year-new-you

#NewYearNewMe is such b.s. We have to accept ourselves “as is” first before making plans to improve ourselves. I am full of self doubt, loneliness, critical of myself and others, lazy – too lazy to even take my diabetes meds properly. My only accomplishment last year health wise was dropping my A1C to 6.4. I lost weight but gained it back. Lost again, gained it back. Joined Weight Watchers in November, haven’t been to one meeting yet. I’m the worst at keeping steady and accountable. I infuriate myself with doing this yet I feel helpless to change.

The ex and I have been talking again. I understand more now of where he is coming from and his frustration with me. His version of “tough love” to get me motivated didn’t work. I told him I need support not tough love. I’ve had enough abusive like words from my family to last me a lifetime.

So this year I haven’t made any resolutions. I’m going to live my life day to day and try to break my habits by being conscious of them and my choices everyday. It’s the only solution that I can see. As I approach food or just walking… I need to be present. That’s my gift to myself.

Be well everyone. Never give up.